Vance's Birth Story -Recovery (part 3)

Somewhere along the line I was told that I was the momma to a 9lb. 9oz. and 22in perfectly healthy baby boy. Vance was born on January 18th, 2012 at 8:40pm -a full 38 hours after labor began. Read part 1 and part 2 of Vance's birth story.

To say my recovery was rough is an understatement. I lost so much blood during surgery that technically it was enough to be classified as a “catastrophic hemorrhage” in my records. I have no idea why I didn't get blood in the OR, but the doctor did come in at some point and tell us that I was probably going to need a blood transfusion. My “levels” (Iron, I think?) are supposed to be at a 14 and mine were a 6. We decided to hold off a bit and see if I could get them up on my own because a blood transfusion does carry risks. I never ended up getting one...

I remember 4 things in that first 24 hours after my surgery.

1. My brother, sister-in-law, and two nephews coming to visit.
2. Getting a sponge bath because I was so itchy I thought I was going to loose my mind.
3. Having a huge, blow out fight with two nurses over Vance’s first bath.
4. Walking for the first time.

Have you ever been drunk and only remember bits and pieces and the order of things is way off? That’s kind of how this feels. The order of things in my memory is completely different from the order I know it happened in according to my husband. I guess it makes sense; I was completely drugged out of my mind.

1.  When my brother and family came to visit around 1pm I was still in my hospital bed, looking like hell, and hooked up to all sorts of machines. I was trying so hard not to scare my almost 6 and 4 year old nephews. Their mom was about 5 months pregnant at the time and I desperately didn't want them to worry about what would happen to their mom when she went to the hospital to have their baby brother. I tried to be really upbeat and reassuring as possible which was hard. I remember being so aware of really not wanting to upset them...I think holding their cute cousin helped! 

2.  I’m still not sure of how long I had the epidural, but I know it was for a long time…like possibly 5-6 hours or more after surgery (again, it’s a drugged haze) and I was getting IV morphine for almost 14 hours post surgery. The only reason I know this is because I was itching like crazy and asked the nurse I had in recovery what could be done. She finally suggested that maybe I was having a bad reaction to the prolonged morphine and I asked her to stop it. She and another nurse then came in and gave me a sponge bath because it was the only thing that sounded like it might help the itching. I also was itchy with the epidural, so those things combined just made it that much worse. From the moment that morphine was turned off the only "pain meds" entering my body was Motrin and Tylenol, alternating every 4 hours. I didn't want to mess my body up even more than it was and I certainly didn't want Vance to get any more drugs than he already did. Plus, like I mentioned before I just hate taking medicine. 

3.  I remember the nurses saying they do all the baths at midnight. According to my memory this happened the midnight the day after Vance was born; according to my husband it was only about 3 hours after he was born. A nurse came in and said that it was time to take him for his bath. I told them that we didn't want him to get a bath and just wanted everything wiped off (although he looked clean to me...I didn't get to see or touch a slimy baby). She told us that the babies have to have baths and that they do other checks while doing this. I told her that she could wipe him down with water, but he was not to have a full blown bath with soap. She got really mad and said that it was hospital policy to use soap. I asked what kind of soap they used because there is no way we were going to let anything Johnson & Johnson get near him and she told us she didn't remember exactly but that she did think is was J&J. I told her that we had our own natural soap that could be used instead if they insisted on soap being used and she told me no. At this point I started fuming. How dare she tell me that my son has to be washed with soap instead of water and it had to be J&J instead of ours. She told us that there was no option here and we had to give him to her to go have a J&J soap bath and that Matt could also NOT be there for it. I lost it. I demanded that she call the head of hospital for all I cared because this shit was not happening. She left the room and came back some time later with another nurse who was saying that they had called their supervisor at home and they said Matt could be present and we could use our own soap, but that using just water wasn't allowed. I was so exhausted and at this point I took that as a victory and let them do it. Looking back I am so mad I didn't fight harder, but what can you do?

4.  Walking, something so easy and something you don’t even think about on a normal basis. Two nurses (nice nurses…not the bath one) had to help me. My first trek was the 10 ft. from the bed to the toilet. It took about 2 minutes for me to even get from the semi-reclined position to sitting up with my feet off the bed and on the floor, another 2 minutes to stand up, 5 minutes to get from the bed to the toilet, and about 2 minutes to sit on the toilet. This is no exaggeration, it seriously took that long. I then had to have one of the nice nurses wipe me. Yes folks, I didn't even have the muscle strength to take my own hand, reach between my legs, and wipe my own undercarriage. Unless you have been in this position you have no idea how embarrassing, discouraging, and dehumanizing it is. After that I began the long trek back to the bed. My mom was there for this and said it was hardest thing for her to watch and an image she will never forget. I never wanted to walk again.

The reason I include these 4 random things is because they are the only things I really remember clearly. I don't remember holding my son, I don't remember his first time rooting around and trying to nurse, and I don't even remember how I felt. Do you know how hard it is to think that I don't even remember feeling happy that I was now a mom to a gorgeous little boy? I assume I felt happy....

During the entire hospital stay, I never changed a diaper because I couldn't get up to do it. Whenever Vance cried Matt had to hand him to me to feed and then put him back. I could barely adjust my pillows, let alone care for my baby. After 6 days in the hospital we were finally sent home and even then, Matt had to do everything from handing him to me, changing diapers, making meals, and doing laundry. I have no idea what I would have done without him, he was my rock. We are so lucky that Matt had two weeks paternity leave through his company and he was able to stay with me the whole time in the hospital and the week after coming home. Once he had to go back to work, my mother stepped in and stayed for 10 days. My son could not have been properly cared for if I didn't have a support system. 

I am still healing physically and have some ongoing complications. We also struggled with breastfeeding in the beginning, but I will talk about both of these issues at a later time. (Hint: breastfeeding is going strong at 16 months)

If you have had a c-section, want to learn about steps you can take to lower your chances of having one, or want to know about VBACs, I highly encourage you contact the International Cesarean Awareness Network. My local chapter has provided me with so much support, encouragement, and knowledge.