We left off part 1with me having just gotten an epidural after 36 hours of labor. The epidural let me have a light sleep for about 90 minutes...
I completely woke up around 7:30 pm and talked with my mom and in-laws who had gotten there earlier in the day from out of town. They went back to the waiting room and it was just Matt and I again in the room. Around 8pm, Matt needed to leave the room and told me he would be right back. I asked him to go get my mom or his mom to come and sit with me while he was gone. He said he was only going to be gone a minute and did I really want them back in there. I said I really wanted someone in here because, (serious direct quote here), "What if something happens to the baby and his heart rate drops or something and the nurses have to rush in here and put me on oxygen and stuff? I don't want to be alone for that.". He shook his head a little to insinuate that I was a bit dramatic, but did what I asked and told them to come in. My mom and mother-in-law were in the room for only a few minutes when my nurse (nurse #4 by this time) came barging in the room and put the oxygen mask on me (she tried to be calm and pretend nothing was wrong, but I could tell something was). She then ran out into the hallway and yelled for help and another nurse came running in. They started moving me from side to side and adjusting things and telling me to take deep breaths. They then pressed my call button on the bed and started yelling something to the nurse that answered. I remember seeing my mom run out of the room with her head down and looking like she was about to loose it. About 10 other nurses flew in the room and started pulling IVs out of my hand, adjusting the epidural, moving me from side to side, and doing so much stuff, I can't even remember it all. My mother-in-law came to the foot of my bed and was telling me everything was okay because I think I started to get really upset. Matt flew in the room and started asking what was going on. They told him that baby's heartbeat dropped and they couldn't get it back up. At this point I ripped off my oxygen mask and started screaming for them to "Get him out, get him out, get him out". They asked me if I was consenting to a c-section and I said, "yes". At this point Vance's heart rate came back up and everyone let out a sigh of relief. About 5 nurses stayed with me and were all prepping me for a c-section and the others went to prep the OR and a few minutes later I was rushed down the hallway.
Being in the OR was surreal. I remember feeling like I was going to fall off the table. Remember feeling like metal boots were on my legs. Remember how bright it was. I also remember screaming in pain when they cut a certain level, alarms going off, them upping my morphine, and me begging myself to not loose consciousnesses. I remember the doctor and nurses talking about something so trivial when Matt and I were experiencing an extremely important moment in our lives. I remember the anesthesiologist being the only one who cared about me and told me what was going on and what to expect next. I remember lots of pressure when they pushed my son out. Remember the doctor exclaiming how he didn't have any hair and I remarked in my drugged haze that that couldn't be, "because I had so much heartburn" and everyone laughing even though it wasn't funny to me. Remember telling my husband to not let Vance out of his sight. I remember hearing something about how he was 10 pounds and I screamed, "he's 10 pounds" and they told me that they hadn't weighed him yet and the doctor yelling "he's how much?". I remember throwing up... a lot. I remember seeing my husband jump up and down at the sight of our son with such happiness and overflowing love while I was tied down to a table with my guts out and wondering if I would ever get to see him. Remember Matt bringing Vance over to me and I had no idea what to do...do I kiss him on the cheek or on the mouth, I don't know? I pick the mouth. I remember pictures being taken between my throwing up spells. I remember the doctor telling me I am loosing a lot of blood and they have to use Cytotec. I remember yelling once more, "NO CYTOTEC" and asking for them to use Pitocin to stop the bleeding. Remember being told it was Cytotec or bleeding to death. I remember picking Cytotec, but thinking that this option was going to kill me too. I remember asking for my death to be swift and I asked for my son to be able to live a happy life without me and for my husband to be strong. I remember being rolled out of the OR and seeing strips of cloth hung over a rack that were soaked in my blood. Remember thinking at least they counted the cloth and didn't leave one in me. I remember being in the recovery room and begging for my son to be put on my chest, but told I couldn't so Matt happily did it for me. I remember begging to see my mom and being told no. Remember getting my blood pressure and temperature taken almost every minute and trying not to fall asleep. Remember willing myself to not loose consciousnesses. I remember our family finally being allowed in, but not for long. I remember nothing else.
No comments:
Post a Comment